I am: A poem

to I AM

the most exalted one


king savior messiah

i’ve got a bone to pick with you


a dust devil of hate, the shamal of rage

flecks of sand tearing my skin


a turbine hot jet fuel 

dripping from the cracked fuselage


it bleeds

this hole in my chest


locust burrowing in

twitching and scratching and biting and clawing


we roll in the dirt infected pigs

fleeing over the cliff 


innocent bystanders for your demons

we suffer we die we agonize in Your name


the pigs are the children who got in the way

wrong place at the wrong time blackened and broken limbs


to love my enemy i must love myself

but if you only knew who 


i am


then you would hate me too


the hate suppressed causes pain in my chest

why do you lie why do we die


and seriously didn’t those egyptian kids deserve to live too? 

do you specialize in innocent bystanders? 


plagues and boils and locusts against the oppressors

especially the ones who were infants in arms


saul didn’t commit enough genocide for you 

so you found someone bloodier


the girls sold into slavery wasn’t enough

it wasn’t good enough for you because they weren’t all dead


moses left on the wrong side of the river because he didn’t 

kill enough of his own people for Your     taste


what is his name? moses asks. who should i tell them sent me? 

maybe you should have replied


I AM  

the unbalanced?


skin becoming wrinkle, hair turning gray,

pungent cortisol is all flooding my brain, aging my body, killing me in slow-motion


these times i need a drink or two 

the thrill of the bet


the calming elixir of sugar,

the rush under my skin, the touch of a warm body in a dark place


but these things no longer work

they leave me deader than before


older greyer

exhausted embalmed


i lash out in search of an answer

i seek solace without pain


the baptism of sex

the sacrament of addiction

the scripture of greed

gives me no salvation


maybe I’m from missouri

because i  want you to show me


no. who are you really?








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