I am: A poem
the most exalted one
king savior messiah
i’ve got a bone to pick with you
a dust devil of hate, the shamal of rage
flecks of sand tearing my skin
a turbine hot jet fuel
dripping from the cracked fuselage
it bleeds
this hole in my chest
locust burrowing in
twitching and scratching and biting and clawing
we roll in the dirt infected pigs
fleeing over the cliff
innocent bystanders for your demons
we suffer we die we agonize in Your name
the pigs are the children who got in the way
wrong place at the wrong time blackened and broken limbs
to love my enemy i must love myself
but if you only knew who
i am
then you would hate me too
the hate suppressed causes pain in my chest
why do you lie why do we die
and seriously didn’t those egyptian kids deserve to live too?
do you specialize in innocent bystanders?
plagues and boils and locusts against the oppressors
especially the ones who were infants in arms
saul didn’t commit enough genocide for you
so you found someone bloodier
the girls sold into slavery wasn’t enough
it wasn’t good enough for you because they weren’t all dead
moses left on the wrong side of the river because he didn’t
kill enough of his own people for Your taste
what is his name? moses asks. who should i tell them sent me?
maybe you should have replied
I AM …
… the unbalanced?
skin becoming wrinkle, hair turning gray,
pungent cortisol is all flooding my brain, aging my body, killing me in slow-motion
these times i need a drink or two
the thrill of the bet
the calming elixir of sugar,
the rush under my skin, the touch of a warm body in a dark place
but these things no longer work
they leave me deader than before
older greyer
exhausted embalmed
i lash out in search of an answer
i seek solace without pain
the baptism of sex
the sacrament of addiction
the scripture of greed
gives me no salvation
maybe I’m from missouri
because i want you to show me
no. who are you really?
sincerely,
I AM