I am: A poem

to I AM

the most exalted one

 

king savior messiah

i’ve got a bone to pick with you

 

a dust devil of hate, the shamal of rage

flecks of sand tearing my skin

 

a turbine hot jet fuel 

dripping from the cracked fuselage

 

it bleeds

this hole in my chest

 

locust burrowing in

twitching and scratching and biting and clawing

 

we roll in the dirt infected pigs

fleeing over the cliff 

 

innocent bystanders for your demons

we suffer we die we agonize in Your name

 

the pigs are the children who got in the way

wrong place at the wrong time blackened and broken limbs

 

to love my enemy i must love myself

but if you only knew who 

 

i am

 

then you would hate me too

 

the hate suppressed causes pain in my chest

why do you lie why do we die

 

and seriously didn’t those egyptian kids deserve to live too? 

do you specialize in innocent bystanders? 

 

plagues and boils and locusts against the oppressors

especially the ones who were infants in arms

 

saul didn’t commit enough genocide for you 

so you found someone bloodier

 

the girls sold into slavery wasn’t enough

it wasn’t good enough for you because they weren’t all dead

 

moses left on the wrong side of the river because he didn’t 

kill enough of his own people for Your     taste

 

what is his name? moses asks. who should i tell them sent me? 

maybe you should have replied

 

I AM  

the unbalanced?

 

skin becoming wrinkle, hair turning gray,

pungent cortisol is all flooding my brain, aging my body, killing me in slow-motion

 

these times i need a drink or two 

the thrill of the bet

 

the calming elixir of sugar,

the rush under my skin, the touch of a warm body in a dark place

 

but these things no longer work

they leave me deader than before

 

older greyer

exhausted embalmed

 

i lash out in search of an answer

i seek solace without pain

 

the baptism of sex

the sacrament of addiction

the scripture of greed

gives me no salvation

 

maybe I’m from missouri

because i  want you to show me

 

no. who are you really?

 

sincerely,

 

I AM

 

 

 

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